As an homage to Epic Rap Battles of History, I thought it would be interesting to pair up two other well-known figures; characters from our childhood. Curious George and Brainy Smurf.

The Contestants

Curious George
Curious George has been an icon of our adventurous, toddler spirit since the second world war. Curious George is a monkey less than a meter tall. The Man in the Yellow Hat seems very tall comparatively, maybe 6.5 feet. Despite his small body, Curious George lives a large life. He sometimes annoys people by making a mess of things but it always works out in the end, when he’s treated like a hero.

Brainy Smurf
Brainy Smurf has been an icon of our inquisitive, rational… let’s call it nerdy spirit for more than thirty years. Brainy… any given Smurf… is three apples high. That’s an odd and very inconsistent unit of measure since apples come in many different sizes. Looking at Gargamel’s hands when he’s holding one of them (when he should be crushing the life out of one till their eyes pop from their heads), I’d say he’s about 6-9 inches tall. Brainy writes books and knows things. He is Papa Smurf’s assistant and he sometimes annoys people by telling them that they should or shouldn’t do things certain ways, but he always ends up being right about the important things.

So About Brainy…
Each Smurf is a caricature of a vice. That is, every one of the Smurfs (except Papa, it seems) kinda sucks as a person because each one is dominated by a negative obsession that defines their character. There are lots of Smurfs and lots of vices. However, Brainy is heralded unquestioningly as the most annoying Smurf in the village. They hate Brainy. They hate Brainy more than Vanity, more than Greedy. They hate Brainy more than Jokey and Jokey hands out IEDs with bows on top.

Why? Because Brainy Smurf is annoying. He tells people what to do without being asked to do so, trying to ensure that people do things that are safe and that follow the rules. He has a whiney voice, a preachy attitude, and… well… he’s a know-it-all. They just don’t make worse people than know-it-alls.

Of course that isn’t actually it. His vice isn’t being brainy any more than Hefty’s vice is being hefty (read strong). The other Smurfs don’t hate Brainy because he’s smart. That is, they don’t hate his virtue, even though it’s what they call him. They hate that he’s so socially dumb, a common trait among smart people.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3uwFKhb_dI&list=PLR5aFIggCoDxd5w7zyaqArHOtdVmZe7bP

The problem with Brainy isn’t that he’s brainy. It’s that his need to satisfy his… well, braininess… trumps his sense of social etiquette. The other Smurfs (in general) don’t let their vices get in the way of basic social etiquette. Brainy is utterly unaware of social etiquette.

And About George…
Curious George is the anti-Brainy Smurf. He does things completely contrary to social norms and etiquette, aware of and in full knowledge that he’s breaking them. He doesn’t learn by experimentation in a lab. He learns by experimenting with the world as it functions. Curious George will approach a line of people waiting to do something fun and, without a thought for them, cut ahead or around. He will find places that are closed away for safety and embed himself in them, making a wreck of them. Then, by sheer luck, the situation that he created can only be resolved by his presence on the scene. And the people in his stories love him for it because he’s cute and charming and “just being curious.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awyu8vpVlLo

The problem with Curious George isn’t that he’s curious. It’s that his need to satisfy his curiosity trumps his sense of right and wrong. His problem is that he’s an egomaniac. Narcissistic. Like any toddler. He’s the “bad boy with a heart of gold.” He is the problem person who breaks things and then, occasionally and quite accidentally, does the right thing to make up for it.

Let’s Get Real
So what world does Curious George live in? His world is one of rules intended to preserve things in delicate balance. It’s full of things carefully placed and waiting to be discovered and perhaps broken. And then there’s George. He’s curious and he’s impatient and he absolutely has to, HAS TO, see and do this thing right now. And it’s just silly, rude really, to make him wait… because he’s George… and it’s not his fault… because he’s curious. You can’t bust poor George for being curious. He’s George. He’s curious. If you were curious, certainly it would be okay if you went ahead and cut through things.

Of course it’s not okay. Yet, by some miracle of accident, the trouble that he caused somehow works out and he is forgiven.

Spoiler alert:

• He manages to save a baby penguin from drowning after letting all of the penguins out. A penguin that wouldn’t have been in danger if he hadn’t be there all.
• He sneaks into a new toy store before it open and gets things down from the top shelf for patrons, but only after knocking down half the store.
• He accidentally uncovers a dinosaur while running away from everyone he pissed off at an archaeological dig.

George is fundamentally the bad boy with the heart of gold, but in toddler stage. This is what he is before he grows up to be that guy. And who is that bad boy with the heart of gold? He’s the jerk manipulator who talks people into doing things. He’s the Enron entrepreneur. Or the guy riding cross-country on a motorcycle. Or the adventurer exploring the corners of the world showing up in places or in cultures that everyone else has forgotten or never knew existed. Okay, maybe he’s not such a bad guy after all.

Like anyone, I suppose it depends on whether he’s trying to be a productive member of society or a counter-productive one. As I discussed in Atlas In Relief, that’s who our culture elevates. That’s his world. This is his world. He breaks things, a miracle happens and fixes things, and we forgive him and then herald him a hero.

Let’s Get Realer
Here’s the thing: Everyone else might be just about to do exactly what Curious George does. They could be just about to do something that could get them all in trouble or killed. So why don’t they? Self-discipline? Well, in Smurf Village, Brainy would chime in with, “You shouldn’t do that.”

Brainy might say, “Papa Smurf always says…” or “In the book titled blah blah blah in chapter blah blah blah it clearly states that…”

As a result, the other Smurfs are unwilling to hear anything he says. Instead they lament, “Braaaaineeeey” and then they THROW BRAINY THE F&$# OUT OF THE VILLAGE! Because, apparently, that is the vice that they can’t stand. They can put up with someone obsessing about a flower in his hat, as if nothing else is important. They can put up with someone obsessing about food (who’s name is actually Greedy). They can even put up with someone pretending to give them gifts that turn out to be bombs. But they cannot, will not, abide someone being smart who makes them aware of it.

Intelligence is what? A vice? I suppose it hurts other people’s feelings because it reminds others that they are not as smart. Because obsessing about a flower in your hat doesn’t remind anyone that they’re not as pretty. Or obsessing about your muscles doesn’t remind anyone that they’re not as strong. None of this is said. It’s all implied. Because it’s brains that bug people. So we are all perfectly comfortable hurling Brainy out. No one ever hurls out Hefty, or Greedy, or Vanity. We would all be shocked if that were to happen.

Brainy Smurf’s world is different. Everyone looks the same. Everyone wears the same clothes. Everyone is the same height. Somewhere out there, there is something trying to kill them, so they have to work hard to keep their village, their community, together. And this is what they are willing to sacrifice to that end; much of their uniqueness. So all that surfaces are their vices to distinguish them.

Brainy is arrogant about being smart. But he’s no more arrogant about being smart than Hefty is arrogant about being strong or Vanity is arrogant about being pretty. So what makes being arrogant about being smart the worst possible sin?

Hefty obsesses about being strong. He even has a tattoo that is supposed to make him seem tougher. He does that, ostensibly, because you never know when someone in the village is going to need someone to lift something. So he obsesses. And we forgive that. Vanity obsesses about being pretty. Tough to figure out, between the flower in his hat and his ever-present mirror exactly what he contributes but the Smurfs don’t seem to mind. Vanity’s obsession is that he’s vain. And we forgive that. And Greedy’s obsession is greed. And we forgive that, perhaps because he cooks. But what about Brainy? Brainy is the worst of all. The fact that they don’t hate Jokey this much… The fact that “Brainy” is even a vice says something about us, our culture.

Who Won? Who’s Next? You Decide!
I don’t hate Brainy Smurf. I want to see Brainy expressed the way he’s supposed to be expressed. Yes, he’s kind of a git. And he never learns the simple social lessons. He never gets any better at the social stuff. He never learns that if he simply phrased what he was saying better, people would be more receptive to his ideas. If only he could learn a little tact.

But Curious George never learns to leave things alone and be patient. He never even tries for one second except where it’s like holding his pee before the dam breaks. And we always forgive him. I don’t know. There’s something wrong with all of this and it says something about our society.

Obviously I don’t actually hate Curious George, either. I hope I haven’t given that impression. There are a few valuable lessons in Curious George. The first is the same lesson in The Cat in the Hat. While trying to have fun and do something new, you made a mess of things. You should make it right.

The second is about the value of curiosity for its own sake. Some discoveries can only be made by allowing curiosity to take you where prudence would never allow. Sometimes a person needs to be able to make a mess of things. It’s those explorations of our curiosity that help us learn, that help us discover new things. A little chaos is good for everyone. And so is listening to smart people. Let’s just be fair about it.

Take care,
-CG