I went to change the toilet paper roll and found it almost impossible to throw away the empty cardboard tube. And then I thought about all of the other things I have a hard time throwing away: containers, artifacts, unused paper, holes with socks in them (you read that right), etc.

So, the obvious question that you’re screaming is, “Why can’t you just throw things away?”

Well, that’s a complicated question. I can throw away things that are clearly trash (you know, banana peels, chicken bones, anything in the mailbox with “OPEN IMMEDIATELY” printed on the front). But things that could be used for something… enh, not so much. I mean, what if I needed that cardboard tube (or several) to represent a habitat chamber in a space station design? What if I needed that empty oatmeal can to hold loose pieces of… something or other? What if that pickle jar helped me understand something about light?

Or maybe it’s really all just trash. I don’t know.

There are all kinds of collectors. Not just coins or stamps, but all sorts of things. I’ve seen people who collected books, guns, ex-girlfriends/boyfriends, comic or cartoon imagery, and bad jokes. It’s a function of being, of living, I think.

For example, did you ever find something marginally useful or valuable early on in an RPG like Elder Scrolls? Something growing or lying around everywhere, like mushrooms or salt? Everything you cook needs salt, so every time you see salt in the world, you pick it up. It’s cheap so you could totally just buy more if you needed it. But you don’t. You refuse to buy it because it’s literally everywhere. So you collect and collect, but you don’t cook much because you’re married and your spouse does a pretty good job with those home-cooked meals. So you forget that you can cook at all. One day, when looking through your inventory, you see that you have 160 portions of salt. Shit. I’m sure you totally know what I’m talking about.

The point is that you collect out of habit rather than need. For the entrepreneurs in our culture, the practice of collecting money was useful when they were younger. At some point they no longer needed it, but they kept collecting it out of habit until they had more than they would ever use. Even with this realization, they don’t stop accruing wealth. I bet you didn’t stop collecting salt, either.

Why is this being filed under the Complaint Department? Because I’ve spent a great deal of time wondering if I was “designed” incorrectly.

I’m not trying to start the argument about whether or not there is a designer. Whatever opinion you currently have is probably the one you will have forever. What I mean is, am I a coding error? An inescapable loop? Do I have a behavioral Groundhog’s Day virus that makes me do the same thing over and over, even as I am aware that it is happening? If so, this is evidence. Not that my brain doesn’t work, or work well. Just that it has some glitches in the coding. I’d just like it to work minus a few bugs… like the pack rat syndrome.

Well, the syndrome… perhaps a word that is less negative… the trait is clearly not all bad. Because of this trait, I rarely want for a book that explains something I need to know, or a material or object that I need to understand. But there must be a happy medium between needing to keep every book I’ve ever read or would like to read readily available on the shelves at my fingertips, and having a home that is actually functional. I’d like to be able to find what I’m looking for when I need it. And, frankly, I just don’t use most of what I save.

Like all things, it’s a game of balance, not of absolutes. I suppose, being aware of all of this, I then become, if not the designer, then the repair person. The trait is mine to do with as I please. That’s what you do when you realize that you have power. You use it.

So to myself, I say, “Don’t trash it. Fix it.”
-CG